Osindile / Umbhali
Kwenzekani lapho ingane edla inyama ifa? Impendulo eqondile yesisulu ngemva kwamashumi eminyaka okwesaba.
WASHINGTON DC, USA, January 29, 2021 /EINPresswire.com/ — Umbuzo wami wokuqala lapho ngithola ucingo wawuthi, “Uphase nini?” Ukwazi usuku kwakuzovala ukufa kwakhe—kukwenze kube okwangempela nokugcina. Lapho ngizwa impendulo, amakhona omlomo wami aphakama kancane kancane. Ngangilulindile amashumi eminyaka lolo cingo. Ngifuna ukuthi impilo yakhe yenziwe - futhi ingxenye yokugcina yokuhlupheka kwami ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo ekugcineni kudlule. Wathatha iminyaka engamashumi ayisishiyagalolunye nanye ukuthi adlule. Namuhla, ekugcineni kuphelile. Umhlaseli wami wayefile. Ngabheka umyeni wami futhi wayazi ukuthi “usuku” selufikile ekugcineni. Ngangikhululekile. Ngikhululeke ngendlela engeke ngikwazi ukukhululeka ngayo waze washona ngokwenyama.
Ubuhlungu bokuhlukunyezwa okudabukisayo kwansuku zonke nemizamo yokuqeda ukuphila kwami kusukela ezinyangeni eziyisithupha kuya kweyi-17 kwangiqhubezela ngiseyingane eneminyaka emihlanu kwaze kwafika onqenqemeni lwendlu yami. Nganginethemba lokuthi kwakuzofika imoto ngokushesha ukuze ngigxumele phambi kwayo futhi ngibulale ukuphila kwami. Ngangifuna ukuthula futhi ngingaphinde ngithintwe umama ongizalayo noma izihlobo zakhe. Ngabheka phezulu esibhakabhakeni esikhulu esiluhlaza. Ngobumsulwa bami ngazibuza ukuthi ngabe inkulu kangakanani futhi yenziwa ngubani? Ingabe wayekhona owayemkhulu kunalaba ababengihlukumeza?
Khona-ke, ngezwa izwi lithi, “Leli akulona icebo enginalo ngawe. Ukuzibulala akusona isixazululo.” Ngangazi ukuthi kwakuyizwi likaNkulunkulu nakuba ngangingazi ukuthi uNkulunkulu ungubani. Lapho ngineminyaka emihlanu, ngangingalazi kanjani igama elithi ‘ukuzibulala’ futhi ngiqonde ukuthi lisho ukuthini? Ngangilethemba lelozwi.
Ngesihawu, azikho izimoto ezafika ngahlehla ngaya egaraji. Ngincike ngomnyango, ngadumala kwadingeka ngibuyele ngaphakathi. Ngamemeza kakhulu kulelo zwi elingabonakali, “Uma ungigcina ngiphila, ngizokwenza noma yini ongibiza ukuba ngiyenze.” Ngangingazi ukuthi iminyaka izoba yinde kangakanani noma ukuthi kungakanani ukuhlupheka engangiyokukhuthazelela. Ngavele ngalikholwa lelozwi; ukuthi nganginenjongo ekuphileni.
Lapho umhlaseli efa, kuba nemiphumela eyinsalela. Bengilokhu ngicubungula ukufa kwabo bonke ububi, ihlazo engachitha amashumi eminyaka ngixazulula, kanye nobuhlungu bokuphulukiswa ngokholo, ukwelashwa okubanzi, kanye nokuvivinywa kwempilo. Umzimba unezinkumbulo ezingavuswa izithombe ezingalindelekile kumamuvi noma okuthile okushiwo othile. Kungaba buhlungu kakhulu. Kumuntu ohlukunyeziwe, kuyindida engapheli yokufuna ukuthandwa ngokweqiniso njengomuntu futhi ungafuni noma ubani asondele kakhulu ukuze akulimaze.
Ukuze ngiphile, kwadingeka ngiyifihle leyo micabango nezinkumbulo. Bengigqoke “ubuso begeyimu” obungapheli kuyo yonke imisebenzi eminingi ukuze kungabikho muntu obona ubuhlungu bami bangaphakathi namahloni. Ngagqoka lobo buso begeyimu ngomshado wokuqala ohlukumezayo ngisho nasesontweni. Ngangigqoka ukuze ngifihle iqiniso elingenakulungiseka lokuthi umama ongizalayo wayengumhlukumezi onobudlova, inunu.
Umhlaseli wami wacathama ethunzini lempilo yami. Ukwesaba ayengibangela kona kwaqhubeka ngisho nalapho eguga. Angizange ngikukhulekele ukufa kwakhe. Ngikushiyele kuNkulunkulu. Ngangifuna ukuvala leso sahluko esesabekayo empilweni yami. Zonke izisulu engisebenze nazo zinesifiso esifanayo. Bafuna izilwane zabo ezizingelayo zivalelwe ejele - noma zife.
Okuhlangenwe nakho kwami kungenze ngakwazi ukubona lowo “maski” ezisulungeni eziningi engizihlengile. Kuyisivikelo sabo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ngibathole emgwaqweni noma endaweni yokukhosela engenamakhaya. Ngikwazile ukusiza izisulu eziningi ezisencane “ziphakamise imaski” ukuze zibone enye indlela yokuphila kwazo. Ekugcineni, bathole umuntu abangamethemba ngempela.
Kulabo kini ababusiswe ngempilo ephephile, nakhu ukujula kodlame olubangelwe ngumama ongizalayo, umdlwenguli wami wokuqala. Wahlanganisa ubaba ongizalayo, umfowethu ongizalayo, namalungu ambalwa omndeni wami ukuze bangibangele ukuhlupheka okungachazeki.
Inkumbulo yami yokuqala ngineminyaka engu-3 ubudala wayengixosha endlini ephethe i-cleaver yenyama, ememeza ethi uzonginquma uma ngithinta i-wallpaper yakhe. Ngemva kweminyaka, wangivalela ekamelweni lami izinyanga ezintathu zasehlobo evumela kuphela ukudla kwakusihlwa nekhefu lokugezela. Nakuba kwakusabisa lokho, okubi kakhulu ukuthi wamema abanye ukuba bangihlukumeze ngonya ngokomzimba, ngokocansi nangokwengqondo. Ngesikhathi egcina ukungiklinya ngafa, ngangineminyaka engu-17.
Izilwane ezidla ezinye ezijwayelekile zihlala njalo. Awukwazi ukubabalekela. Bawumndeni wakho. Inhloso yabo enkulu ukusebenzisa wonke amathuba ukuze baphoqe izingane zabo isisulu ukuba sizithobe ngazo zonke izindlela. Balawula yonke into. Bavikelwe yiqiniso lokuthi bahlanganyela igazi.
Amashumi eminyaka okuhlangenwe nakho kwami kokusebenza nezisulu zokuhlukunyezwa kwezingane kubonise ukuthi amalungu omndeni noma abanye abangaphandle kwekhaya abasolayo, ngeke bakhulumele ingane. Ukuhlukunyezwa komndeni kuyaqhubeka kuzo zonke izizukulwane zomugqa wegazi. Izinkumbulo ezicacile zesisulu esihlukunyezwe ngesihluku zizobabuyisela emuva eminyakeni ababeyiyo ngenkathi lokho kuphulwa komthetho kwenzeka.
Likhona ithemba. UGraham Greene uthe, “Kuhlala kunesikhathi esisodwa ebuntwaneni lapho umnyango uvuleka futhi uvumela ikusasa lingene. Impilo yami izibophezele ekuqinisekiseni ukuthi uma umnyango uvuleka, uholela ekusizeni, ekwelapheni, kanye nethemba kubantwana abayizisulu. Umuntu oyedwa angaqeda ukuhlukunyezwa kwengane. Yiba yilowo muntu. Ukuhlukumeza ingane engenacala akulungile neze. Uma wena noma ingane oyaziyo idinga usizo, shayela ku-1-800-422-4453. Londoloza impilo.
U-Andi Buerger, JD ungumsunguli we-Beulah's Place e-Redmond, e-Oregon. Ungumbhali wencwadi ethi A Fragile Thread of Hope: One Survivor's Quest to Rescue, kanye nomsunguli weVoices Against Trafficking. Uyisikhulumi samazwe ngamazwe esifunwa uthuli futhi sivakashelwa njalo ezinhlelweni zomsakazo nethelevishini mayelana nenkinga yokushushumbiswa kwabantu.
Blanquita Cullum
I-Cullum Communications
+ 1 703-307-9510
[i-imeyili ivikelwe]
LOKHO ONGAKUTHATHE KULESI SIHLOKO:
- For a victim, it is the unending paradox of wanting to be genuinely loved as a human being and not wanting anyone to get too close to cause you harm.
- The agony of daily sadistic abuse and attempts to end my life from six months to 17 years old drove me as a five-year child to the curb of my house.
- I have been processing the death of all the ugliness, the shame I spent decades resolving, and the pain of healing through faith, extensive therapy, and trial-by-life.
